What I love about holidays is that I get to laugh everyday with the people I love most. Although parents were in a different city this time round I still had a great time with my uncles and grandma.
It started off awkward because its been so long since ive seen them but by the second day it felt like we have been living together for years. As things have changed, I learn new things and see things differently to when I was there 2 years ago. One thing for sure is that my uncles treat me as if I was their child. They are the most loving uncles I know who don't judge and are always willing to help. Its something I dont experience back in Australia so I think thats another big reason why im feeling so moody and sad about leaving for this trip even if I was there for a few days. What I love most about this trip was how I could just eat and sleep and chat to my grandma and uncle til 1am and not care about what time I sleep in till. I hate this feeling I get every single time when I return to melbourne. Im feeling depressed and I know I shouldn't be using that word lightly, but im not in the mood to talk, all I want to do is sleep or go back to china to spend time with my relatives. My grandma makes me smile all the time, she lives life happily and does what she loves. Holidays are great so dont get me wrong but I just hate it when I return and think about what I have to look forward to now. Nothing.
A lot of people tell me to go to other places to see new things, I want to as well but I sometimes value family time over discovering new things. I guess im a pretty boring and non adventurous person but meh. I enjoy sitting in the lounge room watching dramas and chatting to my relatives about dramas, other members of the family, what we do for a living and our career. They've had many more years of experience than I have had and so their advice can really direct me as to where I want to land myself in 5/10 years time. Its these conversations that make me feel how loved I am because some people couldn't care less about what you're doing. They take time out and analyse the situations before suggesting ideas of what I should do. This care and love I get when I go china seems non existent when im back in Australia. Atm I would not be surprised if I decide to work in gz or move there for a bit. But I know cost of living will be much more difficult than here.
Dont know if anyone has realised but I always get sick when im overseas and even though this trip went for 2 weeks ... yes I became a little ill. Uncles were like my heros!!! They immediately got meds for me and made sure they cooked something for me which would help me recover quicker. All of my relatives in asia are super caring and loving. When they see that ive recovered a little they will always lighten up the mood by teasing me but will get serious when im actually feeling shit. Sometimes im not sure how I feel...maybe I get less attention here but I feel so lonely. In china I feel different, I can be myself and act a little stupid without people making comments behind my back. I feel accepted and appreciated for my achievements.
I dont know how long I will feel like this for but I need to find a way to get out of this cycle because I hate that feeling yet I really want to go back so I can spend time with grandma. I miss her already and I hope she will continue to live happily and be as lively as ever. She has the spirit of a little one :)
No comments:
Post a Comment